WarpedMind

Without any ado whatsoever, here come the Quark awards, thoughts on yesterday's Wild/Flames tilt, and other premature emissions from the keyboard of warped minds:

Top Quarks go to Flames goalie Miikka Kiprusoff for stonewalling the good guys again.  Some goalies might tuck their body padding into their pants to make their shoulder pads go up and cover more net when they go down into the butterfly, but personally, I think Kipper's secret is a couple of horseshoes inserted in a nearby orifice.  The Wild had enough scoring chances yesterday to win the game 5-2 or 6-2, but couldn't buy a finishing touch around the net.  We're talking Charmed Quark soup, man.  I wonder what the Kings would accept to trade Patrick O'Sullivan back here...

Bottom Quarks go to the officiating crew.  The ref totally jobbed the Wild by hastily waving off the first goal with a non-reviewable judgement call, instead of signalling for a goal, then taking advantage of replay technology to make sure they got the call right.  The NHL schedule wasn't exactly overloaded yesterday afternoon, so the folks in the Toronto war room would no doubt have been delighted to have something do to.  The penalty calling (and non-calling) was also atrocious.  The Wild definitely got the short end of the stick there, though the Flames got shafted on a couple of questionable non-calls as well.  The "phantom puck drop" takes the cake -- what the hell kind of time was that to suddenly enforce a rule that is ignored so much it might as well not even exist?

Up Quarks go to the Wild offense for throwing some good rubber at the net.  I would like to have seen more Voros and Fedoruk in front of the net (making like Mark Parrish) and less of all three guys in the same picture along the corner boards, but I'll take 40 shots on goal any time.  Another Up Quark goes to (gasp) (drumroll) (look outside to see if hell is freezing over) Martin Skoula.  Marty had a pretty solid game yesterday, making his share of good defensive plays, and also made some nice passes on the offensive end.  It's a shame that he pulled a Johnsson and had the puck hop over his stick by the blueline at the worst possible time (though it sure was funny to see how many fans booed when he went back to get the puck; good to see that the love is still there:) but in Skoula's defense, the puck was bouncing at the X all day like a soft puck at an outdoor pickup game -- hence the funnest pickup games are played with a flaccid tennis ball -- so we'll give #41 a mulligan for this gaffe.

Down Quarks to Nick Schultz for pulling a Skoula on the first Flames goal.  Schultz looked like he was taking a whiz by the goalpost, which is normally Marty's trademark pose.  I don't have any problem with defensemen guarding against goalmouth passes, but when they're standing right next to the goalpoast and facing the net, what the hell are they trying to defend against?!  Especially when the play is going on behind them, fer crissake!  Had #55 been facing any other direction, Jarome Iginla's pass would never have made it to its target, and the Wild most certainly would've been the ones to take a stranglehold on the lead.

That also calls for the Strange Quark Award, since it'll probably be a long time before Nick Shultz's name pops up in the Down or Bottom Quark awards again.  Congrats to the Wild for cementing another important part of the team nucleus to a long term deal.  Next up in that department would be making sure #96 doesn't get away.  Next up in the scheduling department is a Southeast road trip.  If the Wild can keep Alex Ovechkin in check, five or six points are begging to be cherry picked.  Go Wild!!!

Greetings, puckheads!  Since the Wild offense decided to take the last two games off, I'll take the usual preamble off and go straight to the Quark awards.

Top Quark in the Wild/Canucks tilt has to go to Nicklas Backstrom.  The Wild weren't dominated in the first period as much as the shots on goal and the papers would suggest, but they were dominated by that much (and then some) in the second.  Yet somehow, the Wild managed to lead 2-1 going into the third.  Backstrom singlehandedly stole a point for the good guys, and might've gotten away with grand theft of two points with some better defense late in OT.  Up Quarks go to the Nucks, particularly the trio of Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin and Markus Naslund, who always seem to find a way to torment the good guys.

Down Quarks go to the Wild offense for spending too much time with the puck along the boards Branko Radivojevic style, instead of getting bodies in front of the net Mark Parrish style to make life more difficult for opposing goaltenders.  The Bottom Quark goes once again to Martin Skoula.  I was ready to write off the Nucks OT goal as a well executed tic-tac-toe play and give Skoula a mulligan, at least until seeing the replays.  What the hell kind of defenseman parks himself next to the left goalpost, straddling the goal line with one skate on either side of it, facing the net, with his back to the action while Naslund and the Sedins are going to town in our zone?  #41 seems to have hit on a new way to play defense; instead of defending a worthless piece of ice like he usually does, he has now taken to defending no piece of ice.  Earth to Skoula: Backstrom can cover the net just fine by himself; you're not doing any good there.  How 'bout turning around to see what you're missing, and maybe try defending the dudes who like to shoot from six feet in front of the net -- ya know, that spot ya keep abandoning in order to go hump/smoke the goalpole?

Skoula also gets the Strange and Charmed Quarks for that game, making for the first Warpy hat trick.  It's strange that Jacques Lemaire keeps giving this guy as much ice time as he does, especially in late game situations.  I guess some guys just lead a charmed life.

Nikolai Khabibulin sweeps the Quarkys for the Wild/Blackhawks game last night.  A 38-shot shutout definitely calls for the Top and Up quarks, and he was definitely charmed, judging by all those strange metallurgy and facial saves.

Bottom line: Definitely a downer for the Wild, who missed out on a normally easy two points against these guys.  On the plus side, the Wild get a series of creampuff opponents* after Sunday's Flames game, and will thus have a chance to pile up some points before finishing with divisional tilts in 9 of the last 10 games.  Go Wild!!!

* The Capitals may be an exception to the creampuff portion of the schedule; the thought of being defended by Martin Skoula has got to be giving Alex Ovechkin a hard-on the size of Florida.

Well, my first try at handicapping the Wild/Canucks game last week didn't work out so great, but my last blog had a brilliant call on a nine goal game against the Predators, so now that I'm on a roll (and already have one more thing right about the Wild than some of the spooling foolios who post on the team page will ever have:) here's a warped precap of tonight's tilt:

1st period: Matt Cooke gets his richly deserved comeuppance courtesy of a well aimed "accidental" Aaron Voros elbow.  The fans don't mind seeing him get a double minor, but get worked up into a frenzy when the ref whistles Kim Johnsson on a questionable ticky-tack tripping call early in the penalty kill.  The frenzy reaches borderline postal proportions when the Nucks take advantage with two PPGs.  Luckily, the ref subscribes to the Marble Theory of penalty calling, giving the Wild a 5 on 3 later in the period.  The Wild cash in once to go into the locker room down 2-1.

2nd period: Lots of roughhousing and fisticuffs in this stanza.  Marian Gaborik and Pavol Demitra cash in on another two on one break to get the only goal of the period.  This time, with the goalie and the defender both focusing on Gabby, he fakes a snap shot and slides the puck across to Pavs, who slams it into the yawning net.

3rd period: Mikko Koivu continues his Nuck torementing ways, bagging the game winner on a breakaway.  The instant Koivu dips his shoulder for his patented forehand fake shimmy move, Roberto Luongo says "Aha!  I've seen this move before" and slides to the left with his glove up to snag the top shelf backhander.  Meanwhile in the same instant, Koivu goes "Yah, I know you've seen that move before, but this time I really am going with the forehand!"  Brent Burns caps off the scoring by putting in an empty netter with far more elan than the situation calls for, starting a dandy fracas (this prediction didn't pan out last time, so we're due now..)

Last but not least, just to hedge my bets -- and to make sure I get at least one thing right again -- the dildaphonic duo of Martin Skoula and Kim Johnsson (a.k.a. "the one combination known to man that Jacques Lemaire refuses to tinker with") will cost the Wild a goal with their bumbling defensive play and piss-poor positioning.  Even the most indulgent bookie in Vegas won't dare take action on that call.

Let's go Wild!!!  If it ain't broke, you're not trying hard enough.

What a strange game last night between the Wild and the Canucks!  What started out as neutral zone trapfest with the makings of a soccer-like score ended up in a rock 'em sock 'em firewagon 5-4 finish.  A huuuuuuge two points for the good guys.  Since I'm still tired from staying up to watch last night, it's time to keep it short and go straight to the Warpy Quarky awards.

Top Quarks go to Stephane Veilleux for his nice, two goal effort.  His first one was a real beauty stolen right out of Mario Lemieux's book of moves.  Roberto Luongo overcommitted early -- something he would repeat later in the shootout to the Wild's advantage.  Another Top goes to Mikko Koivu for his shootout dandy: that shoulder fake and quick release shot is relieving a lot of goalies of their jockstraps.

Up Quarks go to Pierre-Marc Bouchard, James Sheppard and Koivu for their superb play on defense as well as their offensive spunk.  #9 and #96 just flat out hustle nonstop in the defensive zone, acting like extra defensemen (and often playing better D than them).  Sheppard has the makings of a real keeper; the Wild brass made a shrewd pick with this one.  The line of Henrik Sedin, Daniel Sedin and Markus Naslund get the other Up Quark.  Those guys make it look like the Nucks are on the power play dang near every time they're on the ice.  Besides being damn good hockey players, they also have great chemistry from playing together so much; I doubt that coach Alain Vigneault would even think of juggling players in or out of this line (cough, cough, hint, hint, Jacques Lemaire:)

Not much in the way of Down Quarks when there's a well played game like this.  I've gotta give it to the refs for their lack of consistency after the first period.  That "roughing" call against Brent Burns was an absolute joke, but the breaks weren't as one-sided as the TV homers suggested.  Brian Rolston should've gotten a minor for his blatant cross-check of Willie Mitchell just before the gloves flew off in the second, and Sheppard got a gift non-call in the third on an obvious interference call.  The Wild also made some shaky line changes last night.  I swear they had too many men on the ice on a few occasions, and the Vancouver fans were right to boo a doozy of a non-call for this in OT.

The Bottom Quark goes to Luongo f