premature articulations:
Unreal. The Minnesota Wild outplay, outskate, outhit and out-everything but score the Colorado Avalanche, and find themselves in a 0-1 hole. For all the talk of Chris Simon or Derek Boogaard giving Ian Laperriere a free education in the unwritten code of hockey conduct, the Wild enforcers looked like the Charlestown Chiefs in the first period of their final game, playing "old time hockey" ala Reggie Dunlop before learning that NHL scouts are in the stands with contracts in their pockets. The end result was not unlike getting a big burger, mostly bun. All is not lost, though: the good guys played well enough to win more than their share of the next six games if they can duplicate last night's effort.
Speaking of good, bad and ugly, it's time for the Warpy Quark awards.
dangling subatomic participles:
Top Quark(s): Jose Theodore almost singlehandedly won the game for the Avs in the first two periods. The Wild threw a lot of rubber at him (some of the shots were even good, but more on that later) but couldn't get anything by him early. Had they been able to do so, the fans would've blown the roof off the X, and the Avs would've gotten a case of tight sphincters worse than the Rockies did in last year's World Series.
Up Quark(s): First Up Quark goes to the Avs offense for making the most of the handful of chances they got to light the lamp. Martin Skoula gets an Up Quark for some superb defensive play (especially in in the first period) though he'll also get a Down Quark for some not so great play in the second. Petteri Nummelin also gets an Up Quark for an admirable job filling in for Nick Schultz. The gossip vine has #33 already signed to play in Europe next year, which is too bad because we could use all the help we can get on D for the next few seasons, unless Doug Risebrough pulls a monster trade out of some nether orifice.
Down Quark(s): The Dildaphonic Duo strikes again. Martin Skoula gets a downer for his defense (or lack therof) on Ryan Smyth's power play goal. I'm not sure what he was trying to accomplish by standing motionless with his back turned to Smyth while the latter was camped in front of the crease (though it did make for a kinky looking sandwich). Niklas Backstrom gets a delayed Up Quark for not going postal on #41, or at least saying to him "hey man, if you're not gonna defend this dude in front of me, how 'bout making yourself useful somewhere else?" It's a shame this non-play ended up being so costly, because Skoula otherwise played an exceedingly good game.
Kim Johnsson (the other half of the Dildaphonic Duo, as if you didn't already know) gets the other downer for his lazy excuse of a defensive play on the first Avs goal: I haven't seen a lamer looking wave of the stick since a steroidless Rondell White batted cleanup for the Twins. I've long since given up thinking that Johnsson will ever learn to play the man on defense -- though that shouldn't be asking too much for 4+ mill a year -- but you'd think the guy would at least try to get in a guy's way once in a while. Nope, not Mr. "if I touch another guy, people will think I'm gay" Johnsson.
Bottom Quark(s): No doubt about it: Jacques Lemaire has to get the Bottom Quark for last night's game. It's safe to assume that J-L put the reins on Simon or Boogaard in the early going, thereby missing an opportunity to engage in some manly intimidation and show everyone who was boss. The game plan of constant perimeter play also left a lot to be desired (if this wasn't the game plan, J-L still gets the Bottom Quark for not doing something about it). I'm tired of seeing all of our speed players' talents being wasted with constant cycling on the back wall, with no bodies in front of the net to receive a pass even if all the cycling works. Almost every time a Mark Parrish or Todd Fedoruk get in front of the crease, the Wild get quality scoring chances -- unfortunately, this sort of play seems to be the exception rather than the rule, at least judging by the amount of time I see the Wild with nobody inside the freaking faceoff dots while in the offensive zone.
Strange and Charmed Quark(s): The officiating last night definitely calls for a Strange Quark. The Wild must've had a Charmed Quark in their pockets, because the Marble Theory of penalty calling never quite kicked in to even out the power play chances. Not that I'll ever complain when the good guys get to hog the power plays -- unless of course they decide to keep the puck along the sideboards even with the extra man, which appeared to be the strategy last night.
post-dramatic syndrones:
And in Kihnclusion: Despite all the negativity of today's post, the Wild played a pretty darn good game last night: they dominated in every measureable category (even faceoffs, which is no mean feat against the Avs) except the scoreboard. Way more often than not, a team who does this will also end up dominating the scoreboard, so if the Wild can play the next four or five games like they did last night, I love our chances. GO WILD!!!
...and now, a word from our spawn's hairs...
If my wife to be or not be is watching, String Theory is a Group of Lies. For the rest of you, thanx for tuning in, keep your stick on the ice, and remember: if you hear someone shout "that check's no good!" you're either at a cash-only establishment, or you're watching Kim Johnsson play hockey.
GO PENZ
